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"If You Can't Get
Them To The Dinner Table, Don't Stress Out!"
Genie U announces "No Guilt" Mother's Day!
Genie U would like to share a special thank-you to all the homeschooling
moms who give 150% each and every day. Happy Mother's Day from Homeschool.com
and Genie U! We hope you enjoy this article.
http://www.GenieU.com
How often, while going about the
weekly challenges of balancing work, play and homeschooling does your family
collectively connect on a heartfelt listening level?
Perhaps you are still able to get
everyone around the table at six for the family dinner. The dinner hour can be
an instrumental time for family members to "touch base" with each
other. Sitting around the table together provides an opportunity for discussions
that include de-briefing after a busy day's activities or making plans for the
days ahead.
We highly endorse making the
practice of sharing a family meal a priority but temper our encouragement with
an understanding of the logistical issues that can often make this practice a
scheduling challenge for some families.
When children are small and less
involved in activities outside the home, eating meals together is fairly easy to
accomplish on a regular basis with a simple commitment made by the parents.
Unfortunately, as children grow older and become involved outside the home in
extracurricular activities, getting everyone to the dinner table at the same
time can be a struggle regardless of how committed the parents are.
Don't feel guilty! Let's face it,
priorities can change as children advance out into the world and begin to take
charge of their lives. No, your children are not being insensitive. If you have
encouraged independence and raised your children to follow their passions, you
are going to find that some of the opportunities that are presented to them will
at times overlap the ritual dinner hour. This does not mean that your children
value their time with you any less...it's just a shift that takes place as they
begin to accommodate their needs based on the programming schedules that are
being offered to them. For example dance schools, choir practice, sports teams,
mentorships, night classes and part-time jobs can begin to shift the timing of
the family day and unless you are willing to schedule your dinner hour between
9:00 and 11:00pm, you will soon find that the family dinner has become passé.
Late night family dinners may work
for some families with older children but can create hardship for a family with
a mix of younger children who need to be in bed early. And, what about the
parents who work the night shift or need to be up before the crack of dawn to
get to work the next day? What can you do?
First of all, don't let yourself
become stressed out over the fact that your family doesn't assemble regularly
for dinner at five. You don't have to sit down to dinner every night of the week
to have quality sharing time with your family.
Be flexible and consider planning a
weekly family meeting. Whatever your family's current scheduling dynamic, we
encourage you to set aside a special time at least once a week when you can ALL
be together to talk and listen to each other from the heart.
Family functions that you plan to
attend together are not what we are talking about. Weekly rituals such as
church, or occasions like birthday celebrations, graduation ceremonies, recitals
and sports events are very important and should be supported and attended by
family members, but the type of gathering we are specifically suggesting is much
more intimate.
Set aside time that is solely
devoted to conversation, sharing your feelings, communicating your problems,
keeping the calendar and offering support to one another. Create a safe space in
time where you can communicate on a level of understanding that strives to keep
you all on the same page as life pulls your family in different directions.
Family meetings are an opportunity for sharing and listening to one another.
Here are a few tips to help you
organize a family meeting:
1. Agree to meet at home, on the same day, at the same time at least once a
week. Collaborate with everyone's schedule and try to find a day and time that
is the least likely to conflict with anything else that may come up. Be flexible
if something does come up. Illness can get in the way of a family meeting.
Nurture the one who is sick, discuss what you can do to make them feel better
and look forward to the next week when they can join you.
2. If you plan to have your family
meeting at a meal time, go easy on the food prep so that your time is spent more
in discussion and less in worrying about who's going to stick around and wash
the dishes. You might want to order take out or have pizza delivered so the
emphasis is on your time together and not on an elaborate menu plan.
3. Create a safe haven - an
atmosphere where each of you can feel supported as you speak freely about things
that are bothering you or make announcements about things that excite you.
Strive to follow the simple Rules of Effective Dialog that include not
interrupting and being a patient listener.
4. Start now. Those of you with
young children can create this special time together parent-to-parent while your
young children play quietly in the same room. Over time as you maintain this
ritual, you will naturally bring your children into the discussion as topics
become relevant to them until one day your children mature and begin to
contribute on an equal level.
5. Listen with your heart. The best
way to overcome differences and find insightful solutions is to listen openly
and truthfully with your heart. Be careful to recognize when your intellect
tries to take over a heartfelt discussion so that you do not become heavy-handed
conveying your opinions and thus jeopardize the safe aspects of this sharing
time.
6. Be respectful of your
differences. You each have feelings and viewpoints that are your own and it is
important that during this time together you respect each other's differences.
Parents, this can be a unique time when you can acknowledge your concerns and
look for ways to compromise with your children as you offer your experience and
guidance.
7. Get out the calendar. Take a look
at the days ahead. Mark all the important milestone events but be sure not to
overlook the small occasions that are equally important. This is a great time to
decide who takes out the trash next week, schedule those dental appointments and
do some long-range planning toward a family vacation. Keeping an accurate family
calendar can go a long way toward keeping the family peace.
8. Follow-up. Be sure to post your
family calendar in a place where everyone can see it and make the necessary
revisions and additions for the following week. Then, based on the individual
needs that are expressed at the meeting, be sure to focus on fulfilling them as
you go about the week's routines. Honor those times when your children share
something that does not have a "quick fix" solution by knowing the
situation and gauging when it is appropriate to get involved or not. Sometimes
it is enough to know that your children are working on it. Support your children
as they sort things out alone. Always let your children know that they can ask
you for help anytime they need it, 24/7.
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"A parent's most important job
is to keep their child's genius and love of learning alive." - Ralph
Kiyosaki
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