No flexibility in my homeschooling? (grrr

Hello! I'm Mariah, this is my first time posting on this
forum. I know this post is really long but I'd
appreciate advice from anybody! I want to find some
advice for my homeschooling for where my aunt and I (who
is my legal guardian and whom I live with) are having
issues. For the first few months of homeschool, I was
fine, just doing my schoolwork for about 3 hours a day
(but I made my aunt believe it was 6) and not worrying
about socializing at all.
   
   Around mid-November, I started feeling really lonely
and depressed because I had no friends at all and was
alone all day. So I started looking for local clubs and
youth groups, etc. to be around kids, but I've searched
for hours and hours. There is some stuff (I joined
basketball at the Y which is pretty much all I'm doing
for outside activities). I went to Girl Scouts
headquarters and asked them about any troops in my area
with girls my age, and they said they'd call me. That was
two weeks ago. So, most of the time I'm lonely all day
and my depression is getting worse and worse (to the
point that I''m starting to get somewhat suicidal )

   In seventh and eighth grades I went to public school
(before that was a complicated mix of unschooling with my
parents and bad experiences in public elementary school)
hated it because I was too shy to approach anyone and
make friends; I was also a perfectionist and actually
started crying in class when I got several 90's in a row.
In addition, I hated the general school environment and
all the useless busywork. So, at the end of the year I
pretty much refused to go to classes and had to stay in
the school's library all day, because god forbid they'd
let me do my schoolwork at home.

   My aunt has made my homeschooling experience terrible.
I wanted to be free as a bird and not be forced to go
through entire, boring textbooks about world history,
which I really don't care about (besides, it's
depressing! In the end every civilization ends up
crumbling...). Originally, I wanted to study whatever I
wanted (I have an intense desire to learn what I want to
learn how I want to learn, and whenever it's compulsary
to do something I hate it). For example, I could just
read random high school-level books for English, if I
decided to study astronomy for a month I could, if I
wanted to read some philosophy for a week I'd be able to,
if I wanted to learn about photography I'd learn about it
online and get my camera and start snapping. I guess you
could call this unschooling because I wouldn't have to
adhere to a curriculum; I want to just freely explore
what sparks my interest.

   However, my aunt doesn't want to let me do this
because I have to be able to pass standardized tests and
get into a good college so I can get a good job and blah
blah blah. Of course I want to be able to get enough
money to make a living, but there have to be other ways
than doing it all like public school, then going to
college, then getting some boring job with long hours.
She tells me that I MUST spend six hours a day doing the
subjects I would have to be studying if I were in public
school (i.e. geometry, English, Japanese, biology, world
history) and I HAVE to study hard so I can get into
college and get a good job. But I simply cannot sit alone
for six hours doing subjects that bore me so I can pass
some standardized test. I just can't do it. Thus, we've
been arguing quite a bit lately.

   Aside from the academics issues, I can't really find
friends. I've tried reconnecting with kids whom I knew
from middle school but I know barely anything about them
and they mostly talk among themselves about what is going
on in high school. As I've said, I've spent hours and
hours looking for clubs for age 14-ish kids but it's been
difficult. So lately I've been feeling really lonely and
I don't really go out anymore. However, I really love
going places and having fun, and I'm a really great
person once you get to know me. I've read a lot of things
about making friends and I've had success at basketball
befriending some of the girls, so I know not to be shy in
social situations anymore. The problem is, I can't find
somewhere to meet other teenagers. Maybe I should just
search harder...

   In terms of my future, I know I will not work at an
office job, or worse, work for minimum wage somewhere. My
two main interests right now are art and writing. I'd
like to be a freelance artist or writer, or start my own
online digital graphics business. I have all the
information I need online and, as I said, I LOVE learning
things that interest me. I want a job that's creative,
pays a lot, and is very flexible so I can travel and just
enjoy life. I'm not yet sure whether or not I want to
attend college...

   So, this year I'm in 9th grade doing homeschool, and
next year I'm thinking about going to public high school
because of my lack of success so far in homeschool.
However, I do believe there's a better way. I guess my
question is (after all that writing), what do you think I
should tell my aunt about the way I want to do schooling?
What do you think about me finding a social outlet? And
do you think I should just go to high school to work hard
every day with a chance of reward some undefined point in
the future?

Thank you so much for reading all that, and thanks in
advance for your advice! I look forward to getting to
know you all!

~ Mariah

Hi Mariah,

   I hope this isn't too late of a response (I noticed you posted in December), but as an only-child being homeschooled my entire life I would like to share some ideas with you. Most of them are based on my own experiences of being a homeschooled girl (and only child).

First of all, you are amazingly articulate and clearheaded as far as knowing where you are in your education, and what your needs may be.  In fact, you sound as if you wouldn't have difficulties on standardized tests.  Some people are able to take tests and excel, even with little test preparation.  When I started college I had never taken any type of test, and yet I was usually within the top three grades of my class.  Part of taking tests is not worrying, and just thinking of it as a game...at least that's what works for me.

Getting down to your predicaments,  being socially active is critical for ages 14 and beyond, and I was very fortunate to be able to volunteer at a historical society for five years, starting when I was 15.  It was working with a diverse age-range, and I found that being able to relate well with people older than me to be particularly helpful when I started looking for a job.  So I recommend that you don't limit yourself to looking for just those people that are within your peer group.

 Also, you can always start a new club! Maybe there are other isolated kids that would benefit from something like that. Perhaps you could start an art club at your local library or community center?
Basically, don't give up ;) Get creative! You have the capabilities to find friends outside of school, and perhaps even to get others socializing that are in the same situation as yourself.

Now, turning to the academic side, don't rule out college. You may not think you need it now, but maybe taking a course or two may be fun (and at the community college level affordable ;)).
For now, since your aunt is your guardian (and out of respect), you should consider her reasoning (although I also think that she should consider yours! So that there is mutual respect!) and, if you can bear it, do the few hours of schoolwork.

I agree completely with you when you say what you really want to do is study what you want, when you want to (I was very fortunate to have parents that let me do just that), but this way (some structured learning) maybe you'll find some info of interest that you wouldn't normally come across in your self-guided studies.  
   
As for a career, I don't really know what's lucrative, I just picked what I was interested in and knew that if I liked it well enough, and was creative enough, I could make it work :)

What you could do is start an art portfolio now, and maybe do more research into the career your interested in (also, look into internships for when you are old enough) and see if some college will help you get what you want.  The way I education and "the system" is as tools for my use, not as something that is mandatory...so far it's worked out.

Anyway, I hope this helped! Let me know if there is anything else that comes up that I may be able to address!