• Prevent resistance by providing plenty of choices within limits.
  
  Only give choices that will make you happy regardless of what your child decides. For example:

  Do you want to work on math first or reading first?
  
  Would you like to do the odd problems or the even ones?
  
  Would you like to read sitting down or standing up?
  
  Do you want a break now or in five minutes?
  
  Are you going to read this book or this one?

Learn more tips on this subject from our CD:
Avoiding Power Struggles with Kids.
 

• When your child gets resistant, allow them to learn by refusing to.
  
  Most people admit that they've learned the most powerful lessons in life by making mistakes and experiencing the consequences. The Love and Logic approach urges parents to remember that the same goes for kids. Is it smart to spend time forcing them to make good choices?  Might it be wiser to pray that they make plenty of poor ones when the consequences are still small?
  
  Refusing to do an assignment can serve as a more important life lesson than the content of the assignment. That is, as long as we provide loving consequences.
  
  The next time your child gets resistant, experiment with walking away from the table and saying:

  I love you too much to fight with you about schoolwork. I'll be happy to help when I see that you want to learn.

Learn more tips on this subject from our DVD:
Hope for Underachieving Kids.
 

• Allow empathy and logical consequences to do the teaching.

If your child chooses to goof off instead of doing their work, jump for joy. Far better that this happens now than in college or when they're an adult!

The key is to deliver consequences in such a genuinely loving and empathetic way that they're forced to be angry with themselves instead of you. For example:

This is so sad. You didn't do your work this morning. I allow kids to play with their friends when I see that they've worked hard on their learning.

Oh, honey. I would love to buy you that. The sad thing is that I buy extra things for kids who act respectful and stick with things when they get challenging.

Learn more tips on this subject from our CD:
Keeping Cool When Parenting Heats Up.
 

• Build them up in their strengths.
  
  Kids who make a lot of mistakes also need to experience plenty of success. That's why it's so important to encourage them to spend time and energy on their strengths. Celebrating their successes cements the parent-child relationship and gives them the courage to tackle the tough stuff!
  
  Learn more tips on this subject from our CD:
  Shaping Self Concept.

Thanks for letting us share some skills that have changed our lives with our own strong-willed kids!  We hope they're a blessing to you and your family. Check out our website, loveandlogic.com, or call us at 1.800.338.4065 for more ideas about raising respectful, responsible and motivated kids.

Warm Regards,
Charles and Monica Fay