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Living Joyfully With Children |
Ask Win and
Bill Sweet |
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Win and Bill Sweet are the authors of
"Living Joyfully with Children." The Sweets homeschooled their own children for
five years, beginning in 1968 and now have the privilege of homeschooling their
grandchildren. They conduct Joyful Parenting seminars around the country. People often ask
the Sweets, "Why are you doing this?" The answer is simple: They are convinced
that families who live joyfully are vital to the health of our society. "Joyful
living sets us free from the toxic level of stress that is engulfing and weakening most
families today. Living joyfully with a child honors and protects the true nature of that
child."
Frequently
Asked Questions
Q: The weight of the responsibility of parenting is so great
that I can't imagine being able to relax enough to live joyfully with my children. How
would it be possible?
A: There are several principles, that when adopted and applied, work
together to create an atmosphere in which joy can reside and thrive. One of the principles
is "Honor the true Self of the child." Children long to be honored and valued
for who they truly are, rather than to ride the "roller coaster" of being judged
according to what they do or don't do.
Q: I have difficulty thinking of enough things to challenge my
kids' minds. Do you have suggestions?
A: In our culture there is the belief that children should have to
struggle to get their minds going. Yes, there can be value in "stretching the
mind," but real benefit comes when that stretching is self-motivated and
self-directed. Children won't push themselves ahead of their natural development of the
mind-body connection (unless they are trying to please adults). When our son, at age nine,
wanted to know what the billboards said, he asked us to help him learn to read. He learned
to read quickly and well. You don't have to think up things for your children. Instead,
watch, listen, and follow their cues. That process is the joy of true education.
Q: What family activity do you think contributes the most to
creating joyful family living?
A: If we had to choose one activity, we would choose playing with your
children on their level, taking their lead. We delight in playing the games that our
grandchildren make up and direct. There's never any thought of winning or losing. Keeping
score is an adult idea; children wouldn't naturally do this. We often get questions about
the teen years. If the family genuinely played together consistently through the younger
years, we believe the teen years would be much more harmonious than most families find
them to be. Having fun every day enjoying life together builds trust, honor, and caring
that won't easily evaporate.
Q: What do I do when my kids just fool around instead of
studying? I don't want to be a nag, but I don't want them to waste their time just doing
nothing.
A: When our grandson, Ryan, is sitting quietly, staring off into space,
we are very careful not to interrupt or disturb him. Important things are going on in his
consciousness and mind. It is unfortunate that deep in our culture is the belief that in
order to be respectable people, children and adults must keep busy producing achievements
that can be visibly measured. In the freedom to do nothing many developmental pieces will
fall into place that are invisible to observation. It also provides important balance in
the rhythm of activity and rest, a rhythm essential for joyful learning experiences.
Although it may seem like the children are doing
nothing, in reality, daydreaming is an extremely valuable part of childhood and definitely
is not a waste of time. It should be an important part of every curriculum. Doing nothing
is doing something.
Q: Can you give a specific suggestion for creating a joyful atmosphere
in our home?
A: Homeschooling provides a precious opportunity to generously practice the
principle of touching, hugging, and holding. This certainly facilitates joyful family
living. Studies have shown that most children in our culture suffer from
touch-deprivation. America is known as the most untouching country in the world. One study
found a connection between touch deprivation and the loudness of the music that teens
think they must have surrounding them. One of the families that we mentor actually
experienced a marked reduction in the volume level after providing their teenagers, over
the course of a few months, much more touching, holding, and hugging.
Q: What are some mistakes that keep families from living
joyfully?
A: There are many mistakes that are so common they go unnoticed. We call
these mistakes Joy Barriers. For each Joy Barrier we recommend, instead, adopting a Joy
Booster. Punishing misbehavior is a Joy Barrier; changing the child's environment is the
corresponding Joy Booster. Look for external influences when children misbehave or are
disobedient. Children are naturally cooperative and trustworthy. Adult thoughtlessness, an
atmosphere of stress, inappropriate expectations, fatigue, and poor nutrition are just a
few possible causes of unacceptable behavior. Get to the basic cause rather than punishing
the child. Another example: Unsolicited teaching is a Joy Barrier; self-directed learning
is a Joy Booster. Self-directed learning is childhood utopia.
Q: Can you describe an advantage of living joyfully with
children?
A: Our experience has proven to us that joyful family living makes it
possible to resolve problems more easily than in an environment where there is no joy.
Furthermore, many problems simply are avoided or do not arise in a joyful atmosphere.
Maintaining a joyful home establishes patterns for your children that will enrich their
entire lives.
Advisor's
Suggested Resource
 The
book, Living
Joyfully with Children by Win and Bill Sweet, is a treasure of short essays
on a variety of subjects that address the excitement and adventure of consciously creating
and sustaining a joyful family life. The essential point in the book is that when rules
are replaced by principles and every child is honored and valued for the true Self she or
he is, the imprisoned Joy that each family can experience is released. The book includes
the Sweets' homeschooling story.
This
book is available for purchase at Amazon.com
Ask Win and
Bill Sweet
Do You Still Have Questions About Living
Joyfully with Children?
Then contact Homeschool.com's Advisors Win and Bill Sweet: TheSweets@homeschool.com
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